Heart Happy

Ever have those moments of discovery and revelation that blow you away? I'm having that today.I'm here in Starbucks, just finished putting together my message for youth group tonight. I feel close to God right now. I started feeling a huge  passion for what I'm speaking about tonight. A passion greater than I have felt over anything else I've written for my students. I think I did more Biblical research on today's message than I ever have before. I've spent more time comparing old to new testament. And the further I researched, the more excited I felt! The best feeling ever. When I feel something like this, I literally feel like I have drunk 20 energy drinks inside. Excitement spills over, my heart is light, and I feel like I have something inside of me bursting to get out and explode. Its a feeling I have only ever felt when I am at my closest to Jesus. To be given the opportunity  the privilege, to speak the words God places in my heart to teenagers is my biggest dream. To be able to live that dream, and see that dream become more than I had imagined is so...so...Incredible. Awesome. Amazing, and just about every exciting adjective I can think of. A couple weeks ago at youth group, I had the privilege to lead 2 people to Christ for the first time, and 2 people to rededicate their lives to God. Have you ever known how it feels to be used by God to bring more people into his freedom? Its a feeling that I can't describe or adequately express. Its so honoring, and humbling to be used by the creator of the universe and the savior of the world.  I'm on a daily first name basis with the most powerful and influential man who ever lived. I'm in the family of the One who created the world we live in. I know him. I talk to him everyday. My heart is truly happy.

Normalcy

I tend to  be a creature of habit. Not to a point where I'm OCD about it, I just like things to stay the same. Usually. I remember one time when I was 11 or so I had burst into tears because I didn't want to grow up. I sobbed because I wanted to stay a little kid forever. The thought of becoming disinterested in playing house and playing toys and such was heartbreaking. But the inevitable did happen, and here I am 11 years later. I still wish I was little at times. Mainly when bills arise. And taxes. When you are 11 you don't have to figure out how on earth to come up with money for things. Such as the $1000 I had to pour into Max over the last year, or the seemingly endless hospital bills that came from June last year when I had a seizure and had to be taken to the hospital by ambulance and stay over night. Hospitals are expensive. Did you know it cost nearly $20 for two Tylenol? Plus, I wasn't even awake for the ambulance ride, and I have always wondered what it would be like to ride in an ambulance.  And though I never intend to have to be transported again in such a conveyance  It will always be a disappointment in my life that I wasn't awake to see what was like to ride in ambulance.

As far as normalcy goes, I am glad in many respects that I have indeed grown older. If I had stayed 11 my entire life I would have never been able to travel all over the world. I've been to Europe 3 times, Africa twice. I would not be interning as a youth director. I probably wouldn't have learned to play guitar, as I never learned that until I was 16. I wouldn't be able to drive. And I would always be stuck having to learn math. I loath math. But maybe there are more things I would have learned, such as "stick-to". I admit, that once starting a project I have trouble finishing it. My sisters are all super creative, they knit, sew ,crochet, make jewelry etc. I have finished crocheting exactly 1 wash cloth. And its really small and lopsided. Lopsided because I'm hopeless when it comes to crocheting, small because I got bored with it and wanted to be finished. In my room I have so many unfinished projects. I have all the pieces for an apron all cut out and ready to be sewn. However, I cut it out two years ago and its been sitting in a bag in my room ever since. I learned to knit back in September and I started a scarf. While I'm not quite so hopeless at knitting as I am at crocheting, it has been 6 months since I began it and it isn't even half finished. I have many started crocheting projects left in a basket to unravel itself and it has become a hopeless entanglement of colored yarns wrapped into one big knot. I used to be creative. I could draw, and paint and create. However, while I may have been good when I was 11, I never improved any. My drawings still look pretty much the same at 22 as they did at 11 or 12.

One thing I can do is write somewhat well. I have yet to discover a place in which to proceed advancing my literary efforts into something worth while, But I can write. I can write messages to teens for youth group. I get along tolerably well in blogging (though this is the fourth blog I have started). I'm sure I could write good stories. Or even real life. I admit that there is always much room for advancement, but isn't that what life is? I think life would be very dull indeed if we had grown to the top of everything we ever had attempted, and had nothing that needed improving.